Day by Day….
Day by day, I am tearing away. The pieces keep falling and I’m sorry to say. Layer after layer my heart is starting to peel. Slowly but surely it’s starting to reveal, this demon inside that I’ve tried so hard to conceal.
It’s not east growing up with no one giving a fuck. Everytime I turn the corner it just feels like I’m stuck, back in the same place…not an ounce of luck. I’m not gonna hide, and I refuse to duck. Instead I’ll push my way out, even I have to buck.
Where’s this life taking me? When will it come to an end? Where the fuck would I be if I didn’t have any friends? Probably face down in a ditch, in a grave, in prison as somebody’s bitch. Nah, not me. Not this buster, I’m unstoppable. A maniac, a reputable motherfucker.
Will I ever change back to my old self? Not in this lifetime. The least I could hope for is to control my mind. Push out all the misery, the violence, the sadness. I fucking wish that I could end all this madness. But this isn’t a suicide…I’m refusing to die. Keep coming at me, continue to try.
It’s making me stronger, I’m gonna survive. Keep pushing forward, continue to strive. Hopefully I can contain the bullshit, the reason my heart has a hole. End this hatred, and anger that has inprisoned my soul.
RANGE…
I don’t understand the meaning of my dreams, sometimes I awaken to the sound of my own screams. What does any of this mean? Terrifying memories from a dark past, memories from childhood that always seem to last, longer than fossils set in a stone cast. Will these etchings in my mind ever make their way to pass? There’s been times where I’ve lost total control. Emotions digging down and tormenting my soul. I know it’s said to forgive and forget. What if I feel like I’m not ready yet? Believe me I’ve tried but it’s tougher than I thought. I’ve blocked it out, occupied my mind, and I’ve certainly fought. At the end of it all it still leaves me distraught. It doesn’t mean that I will never change. But for right now, total bliss seems far out of range. Far far out of my range.
